Unintentional Comedy

Contagious by The Isley Brothers f/ R. Kelly. Yes, this is a pertinent song for the times, as the N1H1 Virus formerly known as Swine Flu spreads from pig to Mexican to the rest of the world.



But this video, a staple in 2001 on BET, is a follow up to The Isley Brothers' previous video with Kells..."Down Low". Once again, one of the Brothers' girls is doin them wrong, cheatin with R.'s ass.

- 3:40. Shit is about to GO THE F**K DOWN. You are about to witness the birth of the idea for Trapped in the Closet pts. 1-39.

-3:53. No one can curse-sing quite like the man who pees on betches.

-4:33. Bass drum sound accompanying pseudo battery. Genius.

-4:44. Wait! That wasn't just a walking stick or even a pimp cane!! It was a sword casing.

A Face Only Another Meth Addict Could Love

Midges are to Joba Chamberlain as meth is to his mother. Unfortunately for the momma of Joba, a few cans of Raid will not cast away her demons.

Jailed on suspicion of selling methamphetamine this February, Jacqueline Standley is facing a felony charge after allegedly selling one gram of that crank to an undercover cop. And yes, I know what you're thinking...how could such a beautiful woman produce such a grotesque child?

Standley, 44, is being held on $5,000 bail, or the equivalent street value for three tickets on the first base line in New Yankee Stadium, two hot dogs, and one beer.

NFL Draft Sleeperz

The subject of 210 FB status updates today...

Harry Kalas, the longtime Philadelphia Phillies announcer died today. Those who don't follow baseball might recognize his voice from NFL Films narration, where he could make the story recap of the 1995 New York Jets seem like a triumphant 17-week long conquest.

Podcast April 7, 2009

DGWH discusses the NCAA Tournament and takes calls from the RTTC/DGWH Bracket Challenge winner Chrissy, discusses the perils of poking former crushes on Facebook with J-Dubz, finally gets Bischoff to agree to fight this summer, allows Cooper to illustrate how I beat up Bischoff back in HS, and Big Mike talks The Hills fight and NFL Draft.



You can download the podcast to your iTunes by clicking the iTunes icon on the player.

ZOMG MAJAH DRAMZZ

Oh My Gaga! Did you see The Hills premiere?

Sure, the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship was on, but seriously, who thought MSU was going to stay close to UNC? (cough...me)

While MSU was doing their best General Motors impression by crapping out in Detroit, it was LAURENS SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! Evidently, Lauren, Lo, Audrina, lame-ass Franky and Brody held none of their earnings in the market and sagaciously invested in low-yield CDs because they seem to be recession proof.

Lauren had her 23rd 24th 25th birthday on a yacht where there was gambling, drankin', and of course a boatload of drama (pun intended).

Heidi came along with Stephanie to the surprise party, and once Lauren saw Spencer's better half, she sorta made the face of when you get the watery taste in your mouth right before you barf.

While Heidi and L.C. (or "Queen Bee-yotch" as refereed to by Spencer) were making an awkward pie on the boat, Spencer and the guy that the MTV producers casted to be his wingman went for a boy's night out. Spencer was hitting on the bartender while Stephanie's ex-bf Cameron was watching. Cameron, unaware of the G-code, snitched on Spencer via txt to BB pin#347434532a and Heidi found out through Stephanie. Heidi then expressed her feelings to Spencer through a carefully-plotted series of emoticons such as ;/ and :( .

Spencer confronted Cameron, possibly creating a fight between the most WASPy suburbanite upper-class first names ever. Surprisingly, Spence got a few good rips in and kinda kicked some ass (We learned in the second episode after that Spencer is a purple belt in Jiu-Jitsu, only 3 belts behind Michael Westbrook [ed. note: it has been made clear to me that Westbrook is a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, which basically means he wears a thong while fighting). Oh and notice at 0:48, Spencer turns into Randy Jackson, dawg.



So this of course set off a long strain of Spencer's sarcastic, non-chalant responses to Heidi's character examinations, and the old "I'M GOING TO COLORADO" response from Heidi. Lauren is pissed that Steph brought Heidi along, saying "You can't force someone onto someone else. It's not fair." Evidently, Lauren has been too consumed with recent examinations of law in Afghanistan lately.

The Door.

Update: Watch as DGWH gets some "face time" on this local Memphis TV report (around 1:24 into the video). http://www.myfoxmemphis.com/dpp/news/040109_FOX13s_The_Door_Achieves_Cult_Status_as_Internet_Sensation



(Some this stuff was taken from the almighty at Deadspin.com)

Local Fox station in Memphis, TN set up a live webcam for the past two days on the door of the Memphis Athletic Department office. These past two days have been most riveting...presenting us with captivating characters such as the unidentified cameraman who once in a while would acknowledge the audience (sometimes upward of 3,000 watching at one time on the web), Les--the grizzled vet on-site reporter, Lauren--the adorable fresh-faced doll investigator, and of course the star of the show, the door.

At one point, the door recieved competition from "the gate", where a second livestream was set up on the gate to Calipari's house. The gate did feature about 12 men with signs, as well as lavish floura and fauna envelping the gate. It did not nearly have the presence as the door.

Just how did the door rise to its popularity, or infamy so quickly? Well, it was a portal to what was hope to be a sighting of now former Memphis head coach John Calipari, trotting out the door to announce his departure to UK, which never happened. Yet, the door outshined the protagonist in this story, becoming an entity, or an inamiate personification of how one can come out of nowhere and steal the show... sorta like Russell Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. No word on if the door has been asked to host the VMA's.



The door has become so popular, its spawned its own facebook group and now you can share with your friends that you have $15 to spend on an I <3 Door t-shirt.

With all the back-and forth reports about where Coach Cal was going to end up, there was one constant throughout the past two days. The entrance between us and the unknown. The door will one day crumble once Memphis desicrates its athletic department as its basketball program falls to the basement. But memories of the door, Les, Lauren, the cameramen, squirrels, two birds, various people walking in and out of the building, and people commenting on the videochat asking to see Lauren's boobs....well, these memories will always remain.

Exclusive Interview with The Star


Retrospective on the door, featuring Les, the gate, and a life-size Grizzlies cutout that made it through the door.

NCAA Bracket Challenge: Final Four Update

The Final Four is now set: Villanova coming off an instant classic win against Pitt will be taking on UNC, who handled Oklahoma on Sunday night to punch their ticket. UCONN took out Mizzou by seven on Saturday night thanks to outstanding play by freshman PG Kemba Walker. And Michigan State took down the tournament's overall #1 seed Louisville by twelve in the first game on Sunday.

DGWH/RTTC NCAA ESPN Bracket Challenge Standings:

Chrissy took the overall lead on Saturday night, but her second-place finisher, Louisville, is now out of competition. Mike M. despite riding the Washington Huskies all the way to the Final Four,now looks like he has a great chance of taking this thing, having the rest of his Final Four and Championship intact. I'm stuck in 6th place, and will be in a free fall as the rest of the games are played. Don't sleep on Johnny Mac as he's got UNC winning it all over UCONN.

DGWH Book Club

It's been a while since my last book review, Cane Mutiny, which followed the first review of the most excellent Boys Will Be Boys.

Recently, LA Lakers head coach Phil Jackson has publicly stated that he is unsure of coming back next season to coach the Lakers. Jackson, 63, cites concerns of his own health as well as the team's success this year as major factors regarding his future with the team.

Such a decision mirrors what Jackson wrote about in his 2004 book The Last Season: A Team in Search of Its Soul. This book chronicled the often turbulent 2003-2004 season of the Lakers, of which much was expected of a team featuring four future Hall of Famers including Kobe Bryant, Karl Malone, Shaquille O'Neal, Slava Medvedenko, and Gary Payton.

The Last Season chronicles forces both on and off the court that can affect a team. Jackson discusses his often tumultuous relationships with players and members of the Lakers' front office, which also includes his girlfriend Jeannie, daughter of Lakers' owner Dr. Jerry Buss.

One of the most compelling aspects of this book is Jackson's relationship with Kobe Bryant--himself going through court proceedings regarding rape allegations during the 03-04 season. Jackson does not hold back in his criticisms of Bryant, detailing his sometimes uncontrollable immaturity and anger.

Almost every chapter, I found myself saying "damn Kobe is a bitch"...like how he didn't wouldn't allow Shaq's favorite trainer taping him up because he wouldn't do as good of a job on him. Or how Kobe wouldn't give the time of day to reporters who spent much time around O'Neal after games. Shaq and others weren't completely out of the bitch catagory, but by far, Kobe seems like a huge ass after reading these memoirs.

After the '04 season in which LA lost to the Pistons 4-1 in the NBA Finals, Jackson went on to retire as head coach of the Lakers and was replaced by Rudy Tomjonavich, but Jackson eventually returned in 2005 to become head coach once again. This book is a great read just because its hard to imagine how Jackson came back to coach one of the players he totally dogged in his book. It's also funny to read how Jackson would have the team meditate and spread scents of sage and rosemary around the room. I could imagine Malone and Shaq being like what is this bs?

NAWG of the Week

First...tonight brings another podcast f/ Fuzzy Byskitz on the tournament and other stuff. Also tonight, I'll be updating on the RTTC/DGWH NCAA Bracket Challenge standings.

Our "Normal Assed White Girl of the Week" is Laurel, 19, from Udel. She's in the CollegeHumor.com "Hottest College Girl" competition.

One of our followers, who we will refer to as "creepy guy', said of Laurel: "I bet she smells really good." Yup, these are my readers .

PAWG of the week: Mar 27, 2009

I know it's been a while folks but the world's most gutter Jew, Fuzzy Byskitz, is back to lace you with a new phat butted white broad. It's getting tougher and tougher folks, it's not easy to continually find women of caucasia with extraordinary rump. I had to call for backup on this one.

This week's PAWG was referred to me by my boy Byron. Byron played high school ball with Mike Beasley and Kevin Durant. He's also humped several of my co-workers. Anyway, we all have Byron to thank for.........

D'nika Romero!!!!



This phat white specimen is actually a fitting PAWG this week since she played college ball herself. D'nika was a member of the Texas A&M Lady Aggies basketball team. I'm guessing that A&M stands for A$$ and Mo' A$$!!! Lawd I would give a good chunk of my paycheck to have this buxom flour doggie block me out on the boards.



Now remember ladies, not to discriminate but I'm talking to the cave chicks. Bringing the PAWG of the week is hard damn work! Help me out snow bunnies. If you're packin' in the cheeks, take a picture of your butt and send it to us and you too could possibly be the next PAWG of the week. Definitely something prestigious to strive for. Until then, Shalom y'all and follow ya boy on twitter. www.twitter.com/fuzzybyskitz

NCAA Bracket Update Day 5: F***.

Pitt held off Xavier at the end of the game thanks to big plays down the stretch by Fields. 'Nova crushed Duke, who couldn't find their shooting touch the whole game. UCONN thumped vertically-challenged Purdue, and Memphis ruined my bracket by falling too deep into a hole to Mizzou and climbing out too late--mostly due to inadequacies at the FT line.

Da Great White Hype/Road To The Cup Bracket Challenge Update:

After the first round of the Sweet 16, Mike Keating pulled a Slumdog by coming out of nowhere to take the top spot. I fell to second place...but in reality I'm out of it since I had Memphis winning it all. Casey is stagnant at 12th place and also had Memphis...adios muchacho. Only two people in the Bracket Challenge have 'Nova winning it all--Mike M and Thompson--so they might be dark horses in this beeyotch.

I'm so sad.